“Who has ever had a messy friendship?”
That was the question I posed to a group of junior and senior high girls this past Sunday. Every young girl (and some older folks, too) shot their hands into the air. It’s impossible to walk through life without rubbing someone the wrong way, isn’t it? Each of us is uniquely created and placed in a variety of circumstances. So it’s not always easy to give each other the benefit of the doubt when things get complicated.
Last week, we saw how grimy Peter’s emotions were when he denied even knowing Jesus. He knew he had let Jesus down. So what did he do? He gathered some buddies, jumped into a boat, and ran away on a fishing trip to escape his guilt. (John 21) Yet Jesus loved him enough to give him a chance to become someone new. Jesus’ love does that for all of us, even when we are the ones making a mess of things. “He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.” (2 Corinthians 5:15) As with any problem we encounter, we only need to look to Jesus for solutions. He was, is, and will always be a friend of sinners. (Thank goodness!)
When our pride or feelings are hurt, it’s easy to strike back with hurtful words or actions. Jesus certainly had the opportunity and good reason to wipe off Judas’ kiss and add him to the dust in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus could have zapped Pilate right where he stood, and we might have cheered. Instead, He remained silent, took a breath, and waited for just the right moment to acknowledge and honor His Father in heaven. It’s always good to pause and take a breath when we would rather not.
When we’re hurt, why is it easier to talk ABOUT the one who hurt us instead of talking TO them? Jesus made it plain, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”(Matthew 18:15). One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was, when in doubt, talk it out. It’s a simple thing that’s not always easy, but it yields the best results.
Occasionally, we must set boundaries with others to maintain healthy emotions. There are people with whom we can be friendly without becoming best friends. We all need time to let our souls breathe. Even Jesus, the King of kings and Lord of lords, needed downtime to rest, recover, and reflect. Rest is not a sin; it’s a command. It’s okay to say no to people and things that tend to drain us. We can use our downtime to pray for wisdom to recognize what drains us and what fills us.
We can neither predict nor control others’ actions, but we can always control how we respond. In difficult conversations, our tone speaks louder than our words. My biting, critical remarks have pushed people away, but a soft answer most often turns away anger. (Proverbs 15:1a) Even when a person is offensive, the Spirit within us helps us love them as Jesus does. After all, we’ve been known to offend many times, too.
In the same way, we can extend forgiveness because we know we’ve been forgiven so much. Even as he was being stoned to death, Stephen humbly forgave those throwing the stones. Following in Jesus’ footsteps, he cried out, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin” (Acts 7:60). Even as I type this, my mind pictures the faces of those I’ve had a hard time forgiving. Truthfully, I’m still working on some of them. But the Spirit within me reminds me of the many things I’ve been forgiven, and I know that if Stephen could do it, I can too.
Whether we are in junior high or have lived many decades, conflict is inevitable. However, how we handle it reveals our faith and character. The way we handle messy friendships matters. Our greatest testimony may lie in how we imitate the amazing grace of Jesus, the extravagant love of God, and the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit. (2 Corinthians 13:14)
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20) Remember, Jesus loved you enough to give you the chance to become someone new!
