Finding More in Marriage

With our errands checked off, we headed toward home when Ron broke the silence by asking, “Did you hear that Wal-Mart is closing 250 stores?”

“Really? I hadn’t heard that!” I responded in amazement.

“Yeah,” he replied, “they’ve had to lay off 10 cashiers because of it.” 

Corny-joke eye roll. Drum taps with a cymbal crash. 

Ron’s timing and dry wit still makes me laugh just like it did back in 1978 when we first met. After years of practice, he delivers jokes flawlessly and catches me off-guard every time. That’s just one of the little things I love about him.

However, we’ve had our share (and then some) of frustrations, temptations, and hard times that cause many to “fall out of love”, but we made a promise to one another 43 years ago that no matter what happened we would stay together. Leaving would NEVER be an option. I used to believe that it was merely our pride and stubbornness that sometimes allowed us to keep such a serious promise. Now, I realize that it was something much better. (But, I’ll get to that in a minute.)

Everyone who enters into marriage making that same kind of tenacious promise always has a choice. They can intentionally choose to march toward learning, growing, and flourishing as a couple, or they can simply march in place separately with a sour stick-it-out-for-the-long-haul kind of attitude. I’d much rather flourish.

Several years ago, I heard that the best thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father, and the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Now that our children are grown, married, and have children of their own, we have become even more conscious of the legacy of love we want to pass down to our grandchildren. If their relationships are to someday flourish, then I’m sure we will eventually explain how our life together became filled with such tenacious love.

We started out, like many young Christian couples, listening to messages filled with practical advice for healthy marriages. Lots of experts first talked about trivial things like toilet seat lids being up or down, handing over the TV remote, and household chore assignments. Then, the weightier matters of money, in-laws, and children were discussed. Finally, the topic that everyone secretly came for was introduced – sex. The guys learned that women need to be affirmed, valued, and loved before they can give what’s most precious to them. The ladies learned that men need physical intimacy to help them feel wanted, appreciated, and respected.

As the years rolled along, we continued to check off many of the marriage tips we had collected. But merely having a “good” marriage didn’t seem to be good enough. We wanted more, but we didn’t know how to find it. Until …

God began working on our hearts and our spirits. We became convicted of the legalism we didn’t realize we held so tightly. For all our adult Christian lives, we had tried to follow all the so-called religious rules. We believed if we did certain good things we would receive a gold star. Any deviation from the rules would earn a dark mark. If we wound up with more stars than dark marks we’d go to Heaven. That kind of thinking made it easy to transfer the same approach to our marriage. Do all the good things, and you’ll be blissfully happy. Do the bad things, and you’ll suffer for it. 

It wasn’t until we stepped into a real, honest-to-goodness relationship with Jesus that our marriage truly began to outrageously flourish. Spending time in the Word, truly worshipping in song, talking to Jesus one-on-one, and then listening to what the Spirit had to say began to change everything we thought we knew about relationships (and everything else for that matter). Experiencing the grace of Jesus and forming a friendship with the Holy Spirit brought us into an amazing relationship not only with God, but also with each other. Though Ron has loved me well, he has taken his love a step further. He loves me like Christ loves the church. He honors me, protects me, and loves me tenderly. What woman wouldn’t respect and submit to a man who loves her like that? 

Applying all of our religious rules to our Christian walk couldn’t bring us into a real and right relationship with Christ. Yet, once we got close to Jesus, He instilled in us the desire, strength, and energy to become more and more obedient. We had everything backwards for way too long. Now we understand that the closer we get to Jesus, the more we want to love and serve each other. Our newfound relationship with Jesus was the “more” we had been looking for! We’ve thrown away that list of marriage tips because now, with both of us closer to Him, they just come naturally!

So, these days, our grandchildren are used to seeing Ron and me “cuttin’ a rug” in the living room; they always want to join in. We don’t get as much as an eye roll when we share a big fat kiss; they’re used to it. When group photos are made, I make it a point to stand beside Ron so that in 20 or 30 years when they are telling their kids about us, we’ll be seen in our favorite place – together. 

Lord, let us older-marrieds not grow weary in showing our affection for our spouses in words and actions. Help our lives point others to a real and more intimate relationship with You. May that relationship inspire us to leave an enduring legacy of love for those coming behind us!

“Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great mystery of Christ and his church. So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself. And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband.” (Ephesians 5:32-33 TPT)

Posted in
Finding More In Marriage Cover Image

Where’s Your Focus?

By Donna Jackson | October 7, 2025 |

I get Peter. He was genuine but often impulsive. Courageous yet fearful. Loyal but inconsistent. His heart believed, but he struggled with his unbelief. In two well-known Peter-stories in Scripture, the focus is often on his failures while overlooking his victories.  The story begins with Jesus learning of His cousin John the Baptist’s death. He…

The Pearl of Rest

By Donna Jackson | September 30, 2025 |

Less than 1 in 10,000 oysters produce a pearl of great value. Many believe that a grain of sand settling inside an oyster triggers the pearl-making process, but this is a myth. A pearl forms when an oyster ingests a parasite. To protect itself, the shiny, iridescent material that lines the inside of the oyster…

The Trouble With Adam and Eve

By Donna Jackson | September 23, 2025

In Eden, God’s perfect Paradise creations frolicked. The cobalt blue river provided a stunning backdrop for the king of the jungle and the playful gazelle, prancing harmoniously along the water’s edge. Catfish flipped and flopped, enjoying their swim with Ganges sharks. Majestic hawks and eagles perched contentedly in their box seats of lush green foliage,…

What Will You Remember?

By Donna Jackson | September 16, 2025

What can quickly access your brain’s photo album, seize snapshots of the past, and then paste them on the front of your mind? Smells? Sights? An old familiar face or place? Memories have the power to paint broad smiles or turn them upside down. Last week, Ron and I vacationed at the beach. As I…

Scattered

By Donna Jackson | September 2, 2025

Next door to my grandparents’ house in Auburn lived an older man I remember only as Mr. Bailey. In his younger years, he was a county agent who later worked with the agricultural department at Auburn. My grandfather would snicker every time he mentioned Mr. Bailey’s claim to fame.  It seems he played a significant…

Chaos Control

By Donna Jackson | August 26, 2025

Last week, like Jewish rabbis, we began stringing pearls together. Some of us are adding new pearls of truth to our strand of faith, while others are merely adding some shine to the pearls they’ve already gathered. Pearl #1 was: Context Matters. Our second pearl this week is: Chaos Control.  Does your life feel chaotic…

Stringing Pearls

By Donna Jackson | August 19, 2025

What makes a day good for you? Is it checking off everything on your to-do list? Maybe it’s spending time with someone you love. Or, maybe, it’s simply enjoying a few hours outside. I love all those things, but it’s an especially good day when I learn something new! Through the thin, ink-filled pages of…

Are You Dusty?

By Donna Jackson | August 12, 2025

A new school year always brings back memories for me, both as a student and as a teacher. This year, I was reminded of being a student-teacher. It’s that in-between time when your coursework is finished, but you’re not yet certified to teach a class of your own. However, before declaring a major and choosing…

My Pleasure, Chick-fil-A

By Donna Jackson | August 5, 2025

Last week, Ron and I, along with five other couples, had the privilege of touring the Chick-fil-A Support Center in Atlanta. From the moment you drive onto the property, you notice the attention to excellence paid to every small detail: manicured lawns, lush plants, crystal-clear windows, shining floors, and even sweet-smelling restrooms. Smiles brighten the…

When Did Your Journey Begin?

By Donna Jackson | July 29, 2025

It fills my heart with happy to introduce you to my Jamaican friend, Kaidean Rice. I’ve watched her love for God grow into a beautiful display of joy and peace that only comes from walking hand-in-hand with Jesus. Read her description of how her journey began and be inspired to move a little closer to…