Conversation has never been easy for me.
Speaking to groups? Yes.
One-on-one? Not so much.
However, with the help and example of my outgoing husband and friends, I’ve improved at connecting with others, even though small talk is the introvert’s kryptonite.
Currently, I’m reading Vanessa Van Edwards’ fascinating book, simply titled “Conversation.” Her practical strategies for elevating business and personal relationships are grounded in substantial research. Maybe it’s no coincidence that while preparing a small-group lesson about John the Baptist, I remembered reading Vanessa’s words in the chapter “How to Answer ‘What Do You Do?’”:
“Our brain is wired to process information in a specific order. It craves the basics first. It especially likes simple categories and labels. (I know, I know, we hate to be labeled, but if you don’t create a label for yourself, others will.) This is what I call the Hierarchy of Facts. According to evolutionary neuroscience, our brains are wired to prioritize identity, affiliation, and status before anything else. If you skip to your why, you’re basically breaking someone’s brain. We need your WHAT before we can make sense of your WHY.”
Do you know your why?
At the end of John 3, John the Baptist (JB) teaches us a valuable lesson in humility. His followers came to him upset because the one he had identified as the Messiah was stealing JB’s thunder. JB quickly reminded them that he was NOT the Messiah. His only purpose was to prepare the way for Him. In verse 30, we find JB’s famous line, “He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.” (NLT)
Since Genesis 3, pride has been the downfall of many striving to be godly. Today, it’s hard to be humble. Social media tempts us to show off to people we barely know rather than showing up for those we do know. Too many employers emphasize quantity over quality. And, like JB’s followers, it’s tempting for churches to compete for more members rather than simply sharing the love of Jesus with everyone.
John the Baptist knew who he was. He didn’t shy away from conversation; he was more interested in others’ hearts than in his own. He didn’t seek his own glory; he understood that his mission was to point to Jesus as the Messiah. Everything he did was for the One who had come to bring salvation to the world.
I can only imagine John’s face lighting up as his hands flew upward, hearing that his followers were following Jesus rather than him. He wasn’t into competition. John didn’t need others’ applause to feel validated. He didn’t need billboards, trophies, or awards to know he mattered. He knew he mattered to Jesus, and that was all that mattered.
Becoming confident is not prideful. When we become CONFIDENT in WHAT we are, we can be certain of our place in the Kingdom. We never allow others to label us, no matter how hard they try. As chosen, accepted, loved, blessed, and redeemed children of God, we become humble extroverts whose lives naturally express our why. When people realize our what, they are motivated to discover our why.
With Jesus as our why, it’s easier to connect and put others above ourselves. Kryptonite begone! May we all become less and less.
“John is the man to whom the Scriptures refer when they say, ‘Look, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, and he will prepare your way before you.’ “I tell you the truth, of all who have ever lived, none is greater than John the Baptist. Yet even the least person in the Kingdom of Heaven is greater than he is!” (Matthew 11:10-11 NLT)
